Being in Control when the World is Uncontrollable
For many of us across the globe, life has gotten very unusual. We are experiencing big, unplanned shifts in our schedule, and a lot of uncertainty. For me, I’m working from home more than ever before, and with our toddler home from daycare, chaos reigns.
Like many people, my day no longer feels like it is under my control (for example, I am writing this in between readings of Don Quixote and patrolling baby-dog-cat interactions). There is simultaneously a lot more and a lot less going on. The normal routines no longer apply.
As human beings, we like to feel in control. It helps us feel secure and safe. After all, if we are in control, no tiger can jump out of the woods and surprise us, right?
So this current, out of our control, situation we find ourself in, can be very difficult for us to manage and stay positive throughout. Difficulty might manifest as anxiety, frustration, a feeling of loss or grief, or feeling lost and directionless.
How Can we Feel More In Control?
Unfortunately, we never have been in all that much control of the world around us. In fact, there is very little we can control (sorry!) The only thing we can choose and control is how we show up, regardless of the situation that we are in.
In regular life, we create a feeling of control for ourselves by creating routines and making little choices: Will I go to the gym today or not? Will I have turkey or ham for my sandwich? even, Will I go to the bathroom now or later?
These are our personal freedoms, when we exercise our ability of choose, we feel in control.
But right now, understandably and out of necessity, we are unable to do things we may have taken for granted, like going to the gym, or meeting up with friends.
The Spectrum of Control
I want to introduce to you a concept that is very powerful, and it’s this idea that everything exists on a spectrum. We may feel that we either are in control or we are not. These seem like polar opposites; we can have one or the other, but not both.
In truth, there will always be some things we can control, and some things we can’t. There are shades of grey.
We will never be 100% in control. And never 100% out of control.
But it can feel that way.
Why we Feel Out of Control
The difference between our feelings of in control or out of control comes from one place: where we choose to put our focus.
In other words, are we looking in the direction of how much we can control, or are we looking in the direction of how much we can’t?
Even if we only have control of 1%, we still are in control. We are on the board. And we can focus on that 1%, instead of the other 99%, to feel in control.
Why I Make my Bed Every Day
Since the pandemic started, I have been very diligent about making my bed every morning (before, it was kind of 50-50) and opening the bedroom window. Here’s why: it makes me feel good, it’s positive and adds good energy, and it’s something small I can do and be in control of every day.
Even when the rest of my life is chaos, I have still secured that 1% I am in control of.
I focus on that 1% all day long (and usually pick up a few more percentage points as the day continues), and at the end of the day, I feel satisfied, secure, and in control.
Some other ideas for simple things we can do every day to feel in control might be.
Feeling More in Control, even when the World is Uncontrollable
If you’re feeling out of control, here is what I suggest:
- Pick something small and simple that you can do every day that is beneficial but not essential (like making the bed, getting dressed, or putting dishes away).
- Make a conscious effort to do it every day, be present in the moment as you complete the task, savour how it feels, sounds, smells, tastes, etc. to connect and create a strong mental feeling of accomplishment.
- Celebrate yourself for getting it done, and that you were in control by making a choice to do it instead of ignoring it.
- Throughout the day, call upon this feeling of accomplishment and control. No matter what else happens, always remember you are at least 1% in control.
(For our essential workers, the advice is the same: find something small that we can be in control of, and hold that feeling, even when work and life is in chaos.)
I hope these ideas find you well, and can help be part of our mental toolkit while we face these uncertain times.
Until next time, I’m thinking of all of you and sending out positive vibes (another thing we can control!). 2-3 Love to all of you!
Photo by Artem Beliaikin from Pexels
