Having Your Cake and Eating it Too

I was always told this was a tricky thing to do: you could either look at your cake, enjoying the beauty of it and the anticipation of the deliciousness to come; or you could eat it, and enjoy the deliciousness right then, knowing that you wouldn’t have it anymore.

It’s supposed to be one or the other.

But what if you could have both?  The anticipation and the real-time enjoyment?

Enjoying the Present and the Future, at the Same Time

Whoa.  Can you do that?

Is it possible to enjoy both the process and the result?

A few weeks ago, I wrote about The Problem with Expectations.  Essentially, many of us have goals or dreams, and we project our happiness into the future when those goals or dreams are realized.  It works okay for a while, bringing us joy as we work towards these goals.  But when we reach them, we often end up empty and miserable because we have not learned how to be happy without anticipating something in the future.  Or, we never reach them, becoming burnt out on the process, which doesn’t bring us joy, before we ever reach the goal we think will make us happy.

The solution is to learn to experience joy in the moment and in the future, all at the same time.

And yes, it is possible.

The Balance Between Presence and Contribution

We can only experience emotions in the present.  But we are able to create these emotions within ourself by thinking of the past or future.

A balance point is this idea that we can hover somewhere between two diametric opposites.  We do not have to focus 100% on the Present, or 100% on the Future or Past (otherwise known as our Contribution, what we put out into the world).

To be able to bring in the emotion of joy consistently, we want to find a nice balance point somewhere in the middle.  Say, for example, our focus is 37% on the present and 63% on the future.  Or 72% present and 28% future.

And this balance can shift all the time, as we need it to.

A real life example:

Let me tell you about how I write my fiction books:

Taking a book from idea all the way to publication, for anyone who has ever tried, is a long process. It involves not just writing, but plotting, developing, fixing, editing, querying, editing again, marketing, selling, events…

There are aspects I love: plotting and developing, and sometimes I hit that sweet spot of writing flow that is mind-blowing-ly fulfilling.

But to be honest, the rest of it is work.  Some of it is a slog, like editing and fixing.  And some of it is downright unenjoyable, like repeatedly asking people to read your work and judge if it is any good.

So why take it all the way to completion?  Certainly I have the option to plot and develop and write when the muse strikes, and have a bunch of cool stories in my head, but never put them out there.  That would be safer and easier and much, much less stressful.

It’s because I also like the idea of where it could go.  I like the possible future; that far off idea that Oprah could feature me in her book club, or my stories could hit the big screen.  Improbable, yes, but I still like it.

The parts of writing that I enjoy, I enjoy them in the present.  The parts of writing that I don’t enjoy (like the slog of editing), I find aspects in the present that I enjoy but also enjoy the anticipation of what could be.  And the parts that I could really do without (like marketing) I do mostly because of the anticipation.

But there’s also parts of the entirely unenjoyable aspects that are enjoyable: for example querying agents and reviewers also means writing.  I’d say there’s a 5% present enjoyment, but 95% is thinking about how cool it would be if they liked it and convinced lots of other people to like it.  I make myself excited about that possibility and enjoy the task for the possibility it brings.

The sloggy bits (is that a word? sloggy? it doesn’t matter…) are roughly a 50-50 present and future enjoyment.  Editing also involves writing, it involves craft, it involves plot and development.  It’s also the time when you get to make your book really, really great so people really, really like it.

And the parts I enjoy, let’s say that’s more 90% present enjoyment, but there’s still a 10% eye to the future.  I enjoy the physical act of writing very much, but I probably wouldn’t do it every day without being motivated by the potential reward.  Otherwise, I would only do it sometimes, and likely never produce a finished product.

And the secret is to be flexible.  To be able to shift and find enjoyment in what is available for the task at hand.

The Secret is to Be Flexible

(like a joy chameleon…)

Joy is always felt in the moment, but how we create that emotion can come from many different places: present, future, or even past.

When we have our cake, we can enjoy looking at it and anticipating what it might taste like, without worrying about when will be the right time to eat it, without getting greedy and trying to keep the cake forever as a sign of status. We get to enjoy it for simply being.

When we eat it, we can enjoy the way it tastes, without worrying that it will soon be gone, without worrying that we will never see the cake again, or that our lives will somehow be less fulfilled when we no longer have the cake.  We get to experience the full flavour of the moment.

When we are flexible, the present and future (and past) combine, so that we can enjoy both the journey and the reward.

Balance Requires Balance

The secret to sustainable joy over the long term is to recognize that balance requires balance.

We are always balancing where we put our focus moment to moment: how much into the present and how much into the future/past.

But we also need to balance over the long term.  It is not sustainable to always be looking to the future, or the past.  And it is difficult to live totally engrossed in the present moment; human beings are designed for growth and contribution as much as they are for enjoyment in the present.

As much as we enjoy thinking about the future, we need to find an equal amount of pleasure in the present.

So, while there are aspects in writing where I focus more on the potential reward than the actual, in-the-moment activity, I balance that with the other aspects that I enjoy entirely for the in-the-moment activity.

Finding Your Balance Point

This balancing act requires practice.  And where the balance point will be for you is as individual as the rest of you.  And it will shift moment to moment, activity to activity, goal to goal.

To be more conscious about this idea of balance point, pause a few times during the day, both during activities you enjoy and activities you don’t (especially during activities you don’t!)

Ask yourself, What about this physical task in front of me is enjoyable?

Then ask, What is the ultimate exciting reward I anticipate or hope to achieve by doing this activity?

If you have trouble with this, you might need to know more about your Passions, your Purpose, and your Motivations.

Remember, Balance is a work in progress.  You might be frustrated by the work of asking these questions, but think of the ultimate reward of personal understanding and growth!

Until next time,

2-3 Love, my friends!

Cover Photo by Antonia Quagliata via Pexels.