How You Show Up Matters
I have a confession to make: my favourite “writing outfit” is sweatpants, a loose T-shirt, and a baggy sweater. And I hate brushing my hair…
Of course, when I’m working in a clinic, or with a client, or out and about, I do put on real clothes and make myself presentable. But as soon as I get home… yep, right back into sweatpants. It’s a dirty little secret that I thought wasn’t hurting anyone.
But in the last six months, the line between writing clothes and real clothes and mom clothes has blurred. Significantly. And here’s what I’ve discovered:
The way we show up matters. Externally and internally.
I used to think ‘showing up’ just meant a positive attitude and go-get’em work ethic. But I struggled after our baby was born and it was time to get back to work. Because I do a lot of work from home, it meant I was jumping back and forth a lot between being a mom and being a business owner.
Lucky for me, the wardrobe was the same. Right? I could stumble from nursing on the couch to writing at the desk without blinking an eye. (although those eyes were pretty blurry, and more often than not, I would fall asleep for some shut eye instead of just blinking, but I digress….)
The truth is, I had a lot of trouble switching between the two. And because the “writing / momming outfit” happens to have also become the same as the “sleep outfit,” I had a lot of trouble switching on at all.
So I had to sit back and re-evaluate. Who was it that I wanted to be? What did that look like specifically? What could I do to get there? What shift could I make now that would match the picture of who I wanted to be.
For sure, I didn’t want to be some schlubby mom with washed out dreams of grandeur (so my son could one day refer to me as grand mama schlub, although it does sound regal) No, I wanted to have it all, I wanted to be upbeat and energetic. Most importantly, I realized, there was a specific look. My mental image of who I wanted to be was just that: an image with a full blown picture of me being and looking a certain way.
So while I’m all about healing internally, I’m also about finding ways to live now the way we want to be in the future. That’s true for happiness, but it’s also true for all the ways in which we show up.
I realized, I can do the looking a certain way. I have those clothes. I’m capable of brushing my hair, even styling it. So, I went and did just that. I put on a stylish outfit, tidied my hair. And you know what, I felt a lot better. I even got some work done. And cleaned the house. And sang songs during playtime with the boy.
But, I know, it’s not about the clothes! It’s not about the hair! It’s not even about that extra 20lbs. It’s about showing up. It’s about making a conscious effort. It’s about believing in our own value enough to make these efforts important. It’s all about the way we feel (See: Soul Goals).
And our physical reality is tied to our mental, emotional, and spiritual realities. Usually I talk about the connection in one direction: how our internal world shapes our external world, but the opposite is also true. Our physical world can shape our internal world.
We have this belief that when we’re a better person, all of these things will just fall into place. All of us have a dream, a best version of ourselves that seems way out there, so far from where we are now that it’s probably impossible, and we think it will take a major shift to get there… like, the only way to get there is going to be to get hit by a car and wake up as someone different. But we can take small steps.
Small steps might feel just that: small, maybe even not worthwhile, or superficial, even silly. But a little step, no matter how little, puts us on the path. It makes us feel like we are becoming the dream version of ourselves. It opens the door for bigger steps, and then bigger and bigger until we actually step into that dream version of ourselves.
We all have that potential, but few of us will even take the steps.
For me, I never saw the point of dressing up if no one was going to see me. But the truth is, I could see me. And when I dressed all “schlubby,” that’s who I saw. I knew I wanted to be this supermom character who always looked effortlessly good (don’t we all!), but I was confused because I thought it actually was effortless. Like, if I could just get going and do all the supermom things, my hair and clothes would magically morph into casual perfection.
(Even as I’m typing this, I can’t tell if you’re all going to be like, “duh, of course not,” or maybe you’re going to argue with me because you also want it to be true: “no, no, no, Charlotte, that is how it works; once you achieve level 80 in mom-life, you get upgraded to flawless blow-out hair and perfect skinny jeans. You’re wrong about being wrong, it really does work that way!!!”)
But the deal is, how I dress is something I can control, and we have so few things in this life that we actually get to control, that I must take responsibility for it. It is an effort I can make in order to directly move myself towards my vision. I can’t control if my kids will like me, or if I’ll have business success, or even if anyone reads this blog. But I can make the shift in how I show up every single day.
And when I make that shift, I feel a lot closer to my goal, and it suddenly becomes much less important if any of the other stuff happens, because those are things I can’t control. But I’ve shown up today. I’ve show up as my best self, and the rest will have to fall into place.
What about you? What is the dream version of yourself? And what are the little steps that you can take today? What can you control? How will you move yourself a little, tiny, fraction-of-an-inch closer to that goal today?
