The Secret of Courage
We’re all familiar with that Hollywood trope: courage isn’t about not being afraid, it’s about being afraid and acting anyway. But what’s the secret to being afraid and acting anyway?
All of us have experienced situations where we were afraid and still took action. But we’ve also experienced situations where we were afraid and turned away, not taking action. What’s the difference?
Motivation.
Courage is all about your motivation for acting being stronger than your fear of not acting.
So I have a confession: I hate social media. okay, okay, I don’t hate it per se, but I don’t like it. I don’t want to engage in it. I actually have a lot of anxiety around social media.
But to grow an online business or a blog like this one, you need to use, at least in part, social media. For connecting, for advertising, for putting your message out there. And yes, you’re reading this on social media, meaning I do use it. But not as much as I should, or that I want to.
And here’s why: my motivation isn’t stronger than my fear.
So let’s talk about how to be more courageous.
How to Be More Courageous
Courage = Motivation – Fear
We can be more courageous either by increasing our motivation or by decreasing our fear.
Increasing Motivation
We hear all the time about an entrepreneur who was at rock bottom, and suddenly found the secret sauce to turn his business into a multi million dollar enterprise. What happened? His motivation grew, so he suddenly started having the courage to do all the things that made him successful that he probably wasn’t doing before.
Motivation simply means your reason why. And to increase our motivation, we either need clarity, or to change our reason why entirely.
Many years ago, I tried to encourage myself to work out more regularly by planning to reward myself with a new outfit for every month that I stuck to my 5-day-a-week regime. It didn’t work. Why? I hate shopping, espeically for clothes… a new outfit was the wrong motivator. Now, I exercise regularly because I know that it keeps my body strong and pain free and it keeps my mind wonderfully creative. These are the right motivators for me.
Finding Clarity
No one but you can identify what it is that is most important to you. But I can share a few tricks:
- Be okay with wanting the things that you want. I wasn’t motivated by new outfits, but I got the idea from some fitness blogs where those people were motivated by clothes and giving themselves permission to go shopping once a month.
- Look for the deeper meaning. It’s no secret that I’m always asking why and assessing how things make me feel. When I set goals, I push back and forth between the physical goal and the feeling goal until I understand the root of it. ( Check out the process here.)
- It’s okay if it’s not clear right away. Life is a journey, and we are constantly discovering new things about ourselves. Be happy with what you understand right now.
- Allow your motivation to change. Because we are constantly discovering ourselves and unwrapping new layers, don’t fall into the trap of identifying your motivation and sticking with it forever. Things change. And that’s okay.
Defining a New Why
Motivations, like people, are allowed to change. Sometimes, as we try to find clarity about our motivation, we realize that the old motivators just aren’t doing it for us anymore.
I’ve come to understand that my reluctance to engage in social media is because my motivator is the exact same as my fear. For better or for worse, I have been motivated for a long time by what people think of me (or what I think they’re going to think), specifically I have been motivated to do well by a desire to avoid people thinking poorly of me. (I didn’t say it was a good motivation. I would not recommend it to others. But after searching for clarity, this is what I now see and understand.)
Defining a new why is an exciting time. It marks a new level of growth, whether because we have met and are now moving past the old motivator, or because the old motivator now longer is in line with who we are or want to be.
To define a why, we need to look at the task itself (for me: social media engagement). We also need to look at other tasks or goals or dreams that we hold, and the outcomes we most look forward to. What are the underlying themes?
Remember, understanding ourselves is a lifelong journey. This isn’t easy stuff. If you do have to redefine a motivation, be okay with being uncertain for a little while. (I’ll let you know when I figure out mine!)
Decreasing Fear
We can also turn our motivation versus fear equation positive by simply decreasing the amount of fear involved in a task. Now, fear is a normal emotion, and it’s okay to feel; in fact, I’d much rather you felt it than you suppressed it. But there are tips and tricks for decreasing how much we fear doing a specific task.
Visualization
Many athletes and high performers use visualization to help them achieve the world’s hardest tasks. I wouldn’t hurt myself down a mountain at top speed for a chance to win the women’s Super G ski slalom, and yet there are plenty of people who do.
Visualizing yourself doing something allows you to go through the movements without any of the actual fear. When you visualize, it’s important to think of all the little details. For something like a ski race, you visualize not just what you’ll see and hear, but the micro-movements of your body and the little corrections. It trains your brain to focus on the task, especially on the minute-to-minute (part of flow), so that in the actual event, it already knows to focus on the task and not on the fear.
Building Competency
The reason I wouldn’t hurl myself down a mountain on skis is because, frankly, I’m not a good skier. Yet, professional skiers practice skiing for years to get to the level of tackling something like a Super G. They start with the bunny hill, then the greens, then the blues and blacks. They do small races on small hills, and then move to medium hills, and only then to the big races on big hills.
It ensures there’s a level of competency. There’s a level of previous success and self-trust that they possess when looking at something as daunting as a Super G. So for someone who has put in the time to train and master all the small steps, there is a lot less fear around hurling themselves down a mountain at top speed than someone like me, who hacks it out on random weekends a couple times a year.
Releasing Past Traumas
Of course, for many of us (and many of the things we are facing), it’s not an obvious risk of bodily harm that keeps us in fear, but a more learned response. Our brain is always learning, and working hard to protect us from physical, but also mental, emotional, and spiritual pain.
This feels great in the moment, but it can hinder us when we try to push forward.
As a simple example, one of the reasons I wouldn’t try to tackle a Super G is because I’ve broken my arm while skiing in the past. So, not only do I have an intuitive understanding that going that fast down a hill on a set of skis could be very dangerous, but I have personal experience that acts as proof that it could be very dangerous.
Going back to my social media reluctance problem, it’s made more difficult because I’ve had some negative experiences sharing my opinions in public forums before. So not only do I have a fear of ridicule and persecution, but I have personal experience suggesting that might be the case.
To move past this aspect of fear, I need to release the past traumas. This doesn’t necessarily mean forget — after all, it’s important that we learn and grow from our experiences — but it does mean understand, analyze, and let these old traumas process out of our psyche. (Read: Stop Avoiding the Tough Stuff)
Finding Your Courage
So now it’s your turn. Is there something you’ve been wanting to do, but just not taking action? Why? What’s holding you back?
Do you know your motivation? Do you know where your fear comes from? What needs to shift?
I’d love to hear from you, to know if you found this article helpful or inspiring. Do you have a big goal, or maybe a small one? I believe we all have dreams for a reason, and that if there is something you dream of, you are capable of getting there. All it takes is a little courage!
2-3 Love, my friends.
Cover Photo by Kun Fotografi from Pexels
